First Time Review: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure – Stardust Crusaders
Episode 33 – Set’s Alessi, Part 2.
I know I pretty much always say this, but I was really looking forward to this episode. I wanted to have adult Polnareff come back, I will admit, but the real selling point, to me, was seeing Alessi pay for what he’d done. Does episode 33 deliver on this? Let’s find out.
We very briefly catch up on what happened in 32; if you’ve forgotten, check out my review over here. The important thing to remember from the last episode is that Polnareff was turned into a child, and is slowly losing his adult memories. Alessi had caught up to him in a woman’s house, somehow, and episode 33 brings us to where we left off.
Alessi tried to gain a sneak attack on Polnareff at the end of 32, and now Polnareff retaliates by sending little Chariot out to hold off the enemy’s blow. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t work too well. Polnareff receives a gash on his wrist via Chariot, and upon realizing that he’s simply too weak to fight Alessi as a child, notices the absence of the woman who brought him to this house. Alessi uses this moment of distraction to try and drown the child in the nearby bathtub. Like I said before, Alessi is a terrible, terrible person (with even worse fashion sense … that hair).
Polnareff struggles, and the scene is intense; I admit that for a little while, I was worried whether he’d make it out of this. After all, I don’t know how long a child can reasonably hold their breath underwater. We even see the blood from his wound spread out in the water, as blood does, and I assume this is here to emphasize how dangerous this entire situation is.
This next moment completely reassures why I love this series so much, though. Polnareff defecates in the bath to gross out and therefore distract Alessi. Yeah, you’re reading what you think you’re reading: he poops in the water. This isn’t the first time Stardust Crusaders involved feces, and it’s probably not the last, but it’s hilarious either way. I didn’t really expect it when Polnareff decided to de-deuce this plan (punny!) and both his and Alessi’s reactions to it were amazing. Keep on keepin’ on, Jojo.
After freeing himself of Alessi’s grasp, Polnareff rushes out of the bathroom in search of the woman. He can’t find her anywhere. Alessi admits that her shadow touched Set’s when she struggled to get away, and so she was turned into a child, as well. This wouldn’t be so bad, except that it’s revealed she touched his shadow for a few seconds; Polnareff had only touched it for a very, very miniscule amount of time, since he leapt over most of it, so he was changed back to his 8 year old self. The woman, since she touched the shadow for a few seconds, reverted back into a fetus. Yep, you read that right, too. Conceptually, this makes no sense, and she’d be dead immediately, but since this is fiction, she can survive for a few minutes. Polnareff understandably panics, and grabs her.
This can’t possibly be as simple as that, though, what with Polnareff grabbing the woman and carrying her to safety. As soon as he manages to pick her up, Alessi sends Set out, and their shadows touch again, causing Polnareff to revert to a 4 year old. Is this an issue? Probably, since it means he’ll forget his adult memories even faster now. Thing is, me trying to contemplate this is pointless; Alessi sends out Set again and manages to touch shadows again, causing Polnareff to lose a year. Now, he’s 3, and very, very tiny.
Panicking, Polnareff heads to another room and closes the door, locking it behind him. Alessi tells him he can’t keep him away with that, and Polnareff rushes to the window in an attempt to escape. The window is barred, and he can’t fit through, since the bars are close to one another. Before I manage to think to myself why Chariot isn’t trying to cut the bars, he pops out, and tries.
And fails. Poor little Chariot, he’s 3 years old, too!
Meanwhile, Alessi, being creepy as always, uses his AX branded axe to burst through the door before we can see where Polnareff ends up, and he takes a moment to taunt the child before going into the room. Like, he licks at him, seriously. It’s creepy, really creepy.
I’m so glad Alessi is a bit dense, as he thinks too hard about where Polnareff must have hidden, since he’s nowhere to be found when Alessi enters the room. Thinking the boy must be in the dresser drawer, the teddy bear, or the bucket, Alessi decides to slash one of them to kill Polnareff. But I do wonder why he even considered the teddy bear – I mean, Chariot could manage to cut it open so Polnareff could fit inside, but why? Wouldn’t the bear still be a little too small? Either way, I didn’t think Polnareff hid inside the bear.
Alessi decides to “trip” the child up and slash at the clock on the wall, since he didn’t mention that out loud. Now that’s idiotic. If Polnareff isn’t in a teddy bear, why would he be in a clock?! Spoilers: Polnareff isn’t in the dang clock, Alessi! After realizing this, Alessi slashes the bear, the bucket, and looks inside the drawer; Polnareff isn’t in any of them. Alessi, being Alessi, freaks out.
I neglected to mention another piece of the room, the fishtank. On top of the dresser, there’s a fishtank, and Alessi notices a goldfish seemingly disappear from it after hearing Polnareff’s echoed voice taunting him. How could a goldfish disappear? What does Polnareff have up his sleeve? While Alessi tries to figure this out, Chariot emerges from the (I’m assuming) hamster ball sitting on top of the tank and pierces his blade right through the enemy’s nose.
Polnareff explains that he used a mirror to trick Alessi into thinking a goldfish was disappearing, therefore distracting him long enough to pierce his face. Beautiful, Polnareff, just beautiful. He takes the time to laugh at Alessi, stating that this trick was so simple, a kid could figure it out, and Alessi runs out of the room in terror/pain.
Polnareff still has the dilemma of the fetus to deal with, though, and he can’t actually defeat Alessi on his own. Alessi, thankfully, runs outside, and into Jotaro. The word ‘DOOM’ rings on screen when Jotaro shows up, which I found hilarious – Alessi is, in fact, doomed.
Jotaro looks at Alessi disapprovingly when Alessi concocts a lame excuse for looking so beat up. Obviously, our protagonist doesn’t fall for it, but before anything happens between him and Alessi, Polnareff pops out of a window and yells; Alessi notices, and says he was waiting for him to appear, so as to distract Jotaro. You can pretty much guess what happens next; Alessi sends Set out, and his shadow grazes Jotaro’s. Even though Polnareff warns him, it’s too late, and Jotaro reverts to a child.
Alessi gets cocky, much like many of the other villains in this arc (Anubis and Mariah come to mind here) and says he’s won. There’s NO way child Jotaro can beat him, since he only recently discovered his Stand powers.
There’s one little problem with Alessi’s plan, though… Jotaro has always been a formidable fighter, even before he had awakened his Stand. After telling the enemy “not to underestimate him because he’s a kid,” he pummels him with a thousand punches, and Alessi is pretty much done for. Well, no, Alessi is pretty much done for after he topples backwards over his axe – a great final touch to this terrible character.
Set’s powers wear off, and Polnareff and Jotaro, back in adult form, cower over him to give him one last modicum of payback before leaving. Chariot and Star Platinum are called, and they both grin as they send Alessi into the sky with their attacks. The episode tells us that Alessi is permanently retired, since he was sent into the sky.
The woman wakes up and immediately tries to find her “little knight,” and when she sees Polnareff’s earring on the floor, as he lost it while fighting Alessi, she gains some hope. She goes outside and sees adult Polnareff and Jotaro, and asks Polnareff if he has seen a child that looks like him. The thought that he looks like the child clicks in her mind, and she wonders if he was the child after all.
Polnareff looks at her with the best face I’ve seen in this series yet, and ultimately decides to tell her that they’ve never met before and that he’s leaving to the next town. She looks conflicted, yet disappointed, and our two protagonists head off. Polnareff tells Jotaro to never speak a word of this, and Jotaro gives him a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
They meet up with Avdol and Joseph, and they go to finally, finally eat breakfast, which is now lunch, since it’s so late in the day. Before doing so, though, Polnareff asks where the hell Iggy was this whole time, and the dog just looks at the camera like, ‘I do what I want, and I go where I want.’ He’s a jerk.
At the restaurant, Avdol gives Joseph a camera, and Joseph uses Hermit Purple to find DIO’s location. All of the other diners notice the ruckus (since Hermit Purple has to destroy the camera) and the waiter asks if everything is okay. In a strong throwback to the first episode of Stardust Crusaders, Avdol tells the waiter to leave, and we see the picture Joseph produced with his Stand.
Now knowing DIO’s location, the episode ends, and we’re left to wait another week to get closer to him.
Final Thought: Alessi is defeated! This makes me very happy. Child Jotaro was adorable, as I expected, and I’m curious as to what’ll happen now that the team knows where DIO actually is. I hope Kakyoin is coming back soon!